A Midsummer Night's Dream Harry Potter Style
by Cho345Chi
Summary: A Magical twist to a old classic. When Ron and Hermione get lost in a forset and Lavender follows her love Cedric what will happen? Add Ginny and Rodger Davis and you get a Midnight mess.
1. Act I: Angery dads, house elves, and Lav

**A Midnights Summer Dream**

**A play by Shakespeare and **

**Adapted and Harry Potterize by **

**Me**

Author Note: Well we all have had the terror of reading A Midnights Summer Dream in some English class and if your hear you love Harry Potter. So here goes my weak effort to make it better. But just so you know Harry Potter himself is NOT in my adaptation. I repeat Harry Potter is NOT in this fic. Instead, it stars his two best friends (two guess who) and a few other of JK Rowlings most loved and hated characters. So I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Not mine. I own none of it. These characters and plots to the artistic JK Rowling and of course William Shakespeare. Except Julia Harp that says like 10 thing all tighter.

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The story dus far: Draco Malfoy the evil dictator of the wizarding world has turn good! He has fallen in love with the queen of the muggle world. Ms. Julia Harp. He is planning the biggest wedding of the year but some problems are arising.

Enter Severas Snape Hermione Ron and Cedric

Snape: Malfoy! Sir, Sir, I have a problem.

Draco: What? Is that me dear friend Mr. Severas of the Snape family. What brings you to my home?

Snape: Didn't you just read the first line? I have a problem!

Draco: Tell me then dear friend and hurry I think I hear Julia calling me.

Snape: Sir, this is my daughter Hermione.

Hermione steps forward and curtsy

Hermione: My Lord…

Snape throws his hands in the air and silence Hermione

Snape: You know that by law I can pick any man for my daughter to marry. Any man I choose.

Draco: Yes…

Snape: Well I have chosen this man…

Cedric steps forwards and smiles at Hermione who sticks her tongue out in hate

Snape: And she refuses to marry him!

Draco: Why do you want her to marry him?

Snape: Because he freaking rich.

Draco: Well Hermione what wrong with this Cedric?

Hermione: Nothings, wrong with him. He just arrogant, selfish, thinks he God gift to women and I don't love him.

Cedric: Hermione be reasonable. I don't see what the problem is. You're hot… I'm hot…It'll be hot!

Hermione: I don't care! Draco I love Ron

She pulls Ron forward. Ron smiles and kisses Hermione on the cheek

Hermione: He my life, and my star and we're getting…

Snap: Your not getting married to him! He can't even afford to pay for my own ocean home like Cedric can! Draco you know that by law if she doesn't marry Cedric I have the right to kill her.

Draco: That a law?

Snape: Yeah, you made it.

Draco: Ohh

Snape: So, if she marries Ron she must die. Unless you convince her other wise.

Draco: Hermione you have two choices. One: you can die and have nobody or Two: you cannot die and live a sad long life with a man you hate.

Hermione: Thanks

Draco: Tell you what you can be come a House Elf

Hermione: You can't become a House Elf?

Draco: Well, you can live with them and learn how to clean like them and make those delicious pastries! And you won't get marry or ever have sex!

Ron: No!

Hermione: If I can't have Ron I will have no one. And if that the only way I can live.

Cedric: Come on Hermione your to pretty to be wasted like that. There is no way I'm going to let you spend all day sweeping and being dirty.

Ron: Shut up! You don't care about her. You just want to say your married to the prettiest girl that graduated from Hogwarts. She doesn't love you she loves ME. The only person in this room that wants you Golden Boy ass is Snape farther. So why don't you marry him?

All at the same time

Snape: You stupid idiot!

Cedric: It doesn't matter. Her dad going to make her

Hermione: Don't waste your breath!

Draco: QUITE!

Draco: Thank you

Ron: Malfoy, I love Hermione more the heavens can bare. More even the Hargrid loves those stupid animals. There is no way this guy could even imagine the kind I love I have. If he wants a girl so bad Lavender Brown is obsess with Cedric. He slepped with her one night and now she worship the ground he walks on. Let him marry her!

Cedric: I was drunk! And she smelled like a love potion..

JuliaDraco!

Draco: Well my friends. My future wife calls I hope you solve your problem. (He gets up and leaves)

Snape: Hey!

He and Cedric follow

Hermione immediately hugs Ron and starts to cry.

Hermione: Ron! What are we going to do?

Ron: I don't know love

Hermione: I love you so much but I don't want to die or clean with House Elves either

Ron: I thought you like House Elves

Hermione: For the purpose if this fanfic I don't

Ron: Well, anyways I love you to and I want to get married

Hermione: I do to

Ron: So what stopping us?

Hermione: Umm, my evil dad, Draco's evil laws and Cedric…

Ron: Well what if we leave?

Hermione: And go where?

Ron: To my mums house. They'll never be able to find us there.

Hermione: Ron, I don't think….

Ron: Hermione stick with the script. We got to go to my mum's house tomorrow night.

Enter Lavender Smoking a cigarette and looking distress

Lavender: Cedric? Where are you?

Ron: Lavender? What are you doing here? How did you get passed the security?

Lavender looks at them and wrinkles her nose

Lavender: Ohh, Its just you two

Hermione: wow Lavender that blue complements your hair.

Lavender: Yeah, Yeah, where Cedric?

Ron: He left.

Lavender: So are they killing you? I heard throw the crack in the door.

Hermione: No, Lavender there not killing me. Actually…

Lavender: Well to bad because you're that hussy that sold Cedric from me.

Hermione: Umm, I didn't steal him because I never wanted him. He just thinks he like me.

Lavender: I wish he would think he likes me.

Hermione: I frown upon him, yet he loves me still.

Lavender: Oh, that your frowns would teach my smiles such skills!

Ron: Why did you guys just use the old fashion script?

Hermione: No Clue, but anyways. Lavender can you keep a secret?

Lavender: No…but if you don't tell me this story would be really short.

Hermione: Ron and me are running away to his mum house.

Lavender: But wouldn't that be obvious?

Hermione: Yeah, we're working on that part.

She and Ron kiss and get up to leave

Hermione: I trust out secret with you Lavender and that one-day Cedric will love you as much as I love Ron. Even if it a stupid unrealistic wish.

She and Ron leave

Lavender: I hope one day Cedric will love you…Blahhh Bllahh Blahhh. Stupid, spoiled bitch.

She takes a long puff out her cigarette and shakes the ash on the floor

Lavender: She such a man stealer. She has the most gorgeous guy in the entire world and she wants who? A random read head. What I would give to be in her place.

Seconds pass of Lavender tacking long puffs

Lavender: I know! I tell Cedric where they're going. Because you know nothing more romantic then chasing your exes fiancé through the forbidden Forest.

Lavender laughs evilly and stomps out her cigarette before she leaves

End of Act I

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AN: So what do you think? I know Hermione and Snape related in any way is gross but I needed a evil dad. And yes Lavender smokes but that important to the story. And I also know that I did leave out the real end of Act I but I'm so tired. Please forgive me. And I also want to say that I need a BETA reader and I have no clue in hell how to get one. So any friendly advice. Ohh, and Review please! 111 


	2. Act I con: Dean's great cast

AN: hello, I'm really going to finnish Act I. It just the boring important people making the play. I hope people liked the first chapter. I just really want reviews. Okay? Please/

Disclaimer: If I was JK Rowling or Shakespeare I wouldn't be sitting here on this old 98 computer. Actually if I was Shakespeare I would be dead. Ha Ha Ha.

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Enter Neville, Dean, Justin, Terry, Michael, and Seamus

Dean: Okay guy let get started on out almost pointless part of this story.

All: Yes Sir

Dean: Okay well we all know Draco is awarding 100 gallons to however can come up with the best play to entertain him and his future wife at dinner.

Terry: If we all know that why are you telling us it again?

Dean: So the reader knows. Duh!

Neville raises his hand

Dean: What Neville?

Neville: I think as director of this award winning play you should stop arguing and tell us out pats.

Dean: Good call. So this play is called ' The comedy and terror of Harry Potter in his quest to kill You Know….'

Justin: Ummm….

Dean: Wait! Wrong script. We're doing is "The most Lamentable Comedy and the most Cruel death Pyramus and Thisby."

Neville: Wonderful choice! Superb choice!

Dean: Okay lets do part. Umm.. Neville you will play Pyramus he's the hero that dies for love like every other Shakespeare play.

Neville: Yes, and I will play him well. I assume I must cry for such a role. I will cry till everyone can feel the tears of sorrow passion through my eyes.

Dean: We're just going to spray water on your face, but that works.

Neville starts to bow even do no one else cares

Dean: And Let's see your lover; Thisby will be played by…Justin

Justin: What! I play Neville's lover!

Dean: Yes, It was you or me and you did try to kiss Harry that one time

Justin: It was dark and I thought he was Susan Bones

All: Sure!

Justin: there no way I'm playing a girl. I demand me and Neville switches or I'm calling my agent.

Dean: (ignoring Justin) Michael you will play Thisby's mother but by the end of this fic, you'll only have to play the moon.

Justin: No fair! Why do you give him a girl role and let him be the moon in the end and I have to play the girl the whole time?

Dean: (Still ignoring Justin): Okay you'll play Pyramus's father Terry and by the end you'll be just the wall… and I play Thisby's father.

Terry: Are you allowed?

Dean: Again, by the end of this fic I'll only have to be the stupid director.

Seamus: DO I have a part? I need the script so I can commit it to memory.

Dean: Old mate you play the lion… All you do is roar.

Seamus: (weakly) Roar

Neville: NO! No! NO! Let me play the lion to. I will RoWWWWWWWWWWer till all the women in the crowd just back in fear.

Dean: Come on man think. We can'tmake them scared. It apposes to be a comedy.

Neville: Then I'll become a gentle lion. I will purrrrrrrrrr like a cat and soften the hearts of all. (He purrs)

Dean: No! No! No! NO! You all ready have a better part them all of us just being the guy that represents Bottom in this adaptation. Can't you be happy with this part?

Neville: So we can get to more interesting stuff. I give up.

Dean: good now all you of you guys pre-prepare to enter the forbid forest so we can mess everything up and lake a lot of noise and rehears for 3 minutes.

All get up to leave

Neville: well see you tomorrow. I'll bring the butter bear if Justin brings the chips.

Justin: Sour Cream and Onion

Terry: Bye!

All leave

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AN: And that… is the really ending to Act I. I will start Act 2 today. I'm just dying to get to the really good stuff. With the fairies. Anyways Review! Please. 


	3. Act II: What farries do on Friday

AN: Hello, my beloved reviewers and fans. Namely, no one. My philology on this fic, Finish it and years and years later people will review and it be don't. I hate reading story that are not done and you wait patiently for an update and two year later it still not done **coughs: Phandra** so anyways. Here is act 2 I know I know several of these characters (all) are not fairies but what fun would that be?

Disclaimer: If I was JK Rowling or Shakespeare I wouldn't be sitting here on this old 98 computer. Actually if I was Shakespeare I would be dead. Ha Ha Ha.

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**Act II: What Fairries do on Friday Night's**

Setting: I know this is new but from now on I promises you settings. In the Forbidden Forest. Fairies are hanging around a woodlandy kinda of bar. Laughing, drinking bear, (butter of courses), and flirting in their glittery glory. King Rodger Davis standing of to the side talking to a nameless fairy with long brown hair.

Enter Ginny in her Friday night best

Random boy Fairy: Wow! She gorgeous!

Random boy Fairy's friend: Yeah!

Ginny tosses her beautiful red hair and sits down at the bar near to the random boy fairies

Random Boy Fairy: Hey Baby!

Ginny looks over her shoulder, smirks at them and then turns to the bar tender to order a drink

Bar tender: Hey there Gin, what brings you to this part of the woods.

He Hands her drink. She turns her back to him and smile at hotter random boy fairy across the room

Ginny: My boss. He's driving me insane! Everybody else gets Friday off but I have to follow him from club to club and make sure he doesn't drink too much and look out for his wife.

Bar Tender: Well, that life at least you at a party on Midsummer's Eve.

Ginny: looking at hooter random boy fairy Cheers to that.

Hotter Random Boy Fairy walks over and sits next to Ginny

HRBF: You…

Ginny: Skip the bad pick- up line.

He laughs and she rest her head on her hand

Ginny: So you from around here?

HRBF: Me! Not really? My manager has lots of meetings at bars like this and she like us to make sure every thing perfect before she comes.

Ginny: She? Ohh, (flirtatiously) I like a man that knows how to respect a women.

HRBF: Really? (He leans in closer) Then I think you found your kind of man.

Ginny: (likes lips and takes a sip out her cup) So what do you do.

HRBF: Security

Ginny: Ohh, you work for someone rich?

HRBF: Yeah, you probably heard of her Queen Cho

Ginny: Dismay Queen Cho? You work for Queen Cho?

HRBF: Pays rather nice. And lots of free travel.

Ginny: And she coming here tonight?

HRBF: Yeah, you might caught a glimpses of her but she going to get a back room for her client.

Ginny: Freaking A!

She guts up to leave but comes back to drown her drink

Ginny: I got to tell Rodger.

HRBF: Who's Rodger? Is that your boyfriend?

Ginny: No! King Rodger is your boss's husband

HRBF: Ohh! Hey, aren't you Virginia Weasley?

Ginny: The hair gave it away? Listen, I have to go warn Rodger you know that him and Cho are still fighting.

Ginny: Rodger! We got to go! Stop flirting! She's coming!

Enter Cho and her entourage

Cho: Rodger!

Rodger who is kissing the brunette fairy hand looks over his shoulder. He quickly pulls away from the brunette and steps toward Cho

Rodger: Cho! What the hell are you doing here?

Cho: This is a public bar and plus my stage directions told me to.

Rodger: We're not on stage.

Cho: Umm…anyways. What I'm I doing here? You're the one over there picking up a chick half your age.

Rodger: Three years is not a big difference.

Cho: Well being married is!

Rodger: Look, you're the one who said lets live in two different homes till we work it out.

Cho: But you're the one who keeps sleeping around.

Rodger: I don't think a few women should come between us.

Cho: Eighty-Six Different Women do.

Ginny: Eighty-Six! Damn!

Rodger: Shut-up Ginny!

They all become aware that everyone in the room is staring at them

Cho: (quitly) Rodger, I came here only to see a client. I do not want to cause a scene.

Rodger: What kind of client?

Cho: A business one! I don't have the kind of sluty clients you have!

Rodger: Cho, look I just want to…

He looks down her dress and back at her eyes

Rodger: You smell nice.

Cho: What? I just want to you smell nice?

Rodger bends down and smells Cho's neck

Rodger: Like Jasmine and Honey

Cho: Hmmm… Wait! You mind my maids Jasmine and Honey?

Rodger: No Baby! I mean similar to Rei-Te but nothing like Jasmine or Honey.

Cho pulls away

Rodger: Cho, come on baby. I married you. You know I would drop any of those girls for you. Shoot they know I would drop all of them to be with you again.

Cho: You have crap way of showing it.

Rodger: I'm sorry baby.

He kisses her lightly

Cho: Rodger, I love you but…

Rodger: I love too.

Cho: I waited forever to hear you say that again.

They kiss again longer

Rodger: Cho I love you…but you have to let me see him for just one second

Cho: (groans) You have House Elves all over the place

Rodger: Well, I want that one

Cho: You don't need another house elf. You're always so selfish

Rodger: You have as much House Elves as me. Maybe more! I just want to one because it young so I can train it to control my unicorn fleet

Cho: So You know what that house elf means to me?

Rodger: Not again!

Cho starts to cry

Cho: Marietta gave that house elf to me and she is one of my oldest friends and she stood by me in all the pains of Hogwarts and when Cedric died and when…

Rodger: Cedric not dead! He was in the last chapter.

Cho: (Ignores) And since she died in a fetal accident last year with a straitening iron I promises her I would keep her house elf safe.

Rodger: Shut-up! And give me the damn elf. Marietta was a crap friend anyways.

Cho: Never! You see Rodger this is why we been fighting and cheating on each other for all these years. This one stupid house elf is going to ruin everything.

Rodger: Stop being so childish.

Cho: NO! I will never give you that house elf. Even for the whole fairy kingdom, Digian Allay and Gringrattas combine!

She and her entourage leave dramatically. Ginny tries to follow

Rodger: Ginny come back here!

Ginny: Damn!

Rodger: Why do you think she doesn't want to get back together?

Ginny: Umm…because you constantly cheat on her and want to take her last memory of her best friend?

Rodger: Exactly! She has no reason at all.

Ginny: Well boss. This has been fun but I have to get back to the Hot Random Boy Fairy over there.

Rodger: Wait! Ginny! Do you like to laugh?

Ginny: What kind of question is that? I'm Fred and George's kid sister.

Rodger: How about we play a little joke on my selfish wife.

Ginny: Excuse me! We! I don't think that in my contract and anyways what girl honestly thinks getting punked is romantic.

Rodger: Well, I have to punk her or Neville and them will be even more unimportant.

Ginny: Again I'm trying to get a date for tomorrow.

Rodger: Please he doesn't even have a name.

Ginny: So? I can call him HRBF it sounds nice.

Rodger: Come on say your line, your really line.

Ginny: (ditz sarcastically) So what are you going to do wise, smart, gorgeous, strong Rodger?

Rodger: Good job! You know I wrote this script?

Ginny: Surprise, Surprise. Do you know wise and smart mean the same thing?

Rodger: So, back to the script… Ginny, do you remember that time Holly and me went to that beach house and we saw the mermaid singing on the shore.

Ginny: Yeah, and you made me take pictures of you guys on MY Polaroid.

Rodger: That mermaid was singing about a cupid and how a long time ago he was flying between the moon and the earth and…

Ginny: Get on with out already. No one honestly cares about the flower cupid hit that turned purple.

Rodger:… and then he hit the flower with his arrow and it turned purple making it the flower of love.

Ginny: I thought the flower of love is Roses

Rodger: They are but this flower makes people fall in love. Once, the flower touches a man or woman eye lids they will fall instantly in love with whoever they look upon next.

Ginny: I'm sure you have a point.

Rodger: Get me that flower at once.

Ginny: Right, I don't really feel up to flower picking right now. Can I just buy a love potion?

Rodger: That'll work.

Both of them leave the bar

Ginny: I'll put a griddle round the earth in forty minutes!

Rodger: What?

Ginny: I'll get on my broom and fly to my brother's store.

Rodger: Okay say Hi to them for me.

Rodger continues to walk in to the forest

Rodger: Once, I have the potion I find Cho and make her fall in lust with a man. No a ugly man. No a monster! Better yet I'll make her fall in love with a lion, tiger or a bear Oh my! She will make a fool out of her self like the way her laughs about me with her servant girls.

**Enter Lavender and Cedric

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A/N: Dun, Dun, Duh…. So we enter Act 2. I have it is impossible to finish an act in one chapter unless I leave out my corny add on and that is not going to happen. Ginny appears to be a little playerish but Puck in my option was. That who she playing anyways Puck by the way for slow people. I love Ginny so I had to give her the lead. Any way's Rodger and Cho is not my favorite paring but I hate Cedric and Lavender and that happing. So deal with it! Review! I love you!


	4. Act II: In need of help from Roger

A/N: I'm back. Yes, my one reviewer I have written a new and improve chapter. I apologize for spelling mistakes in last chapter I suck. I know. So here we go…. Together Together every time. Together come on lets do this right. Don't you just love high school musical?

Disclaimer: You caught me. I'm not JK. Rowling or Shakespeare and if I was I would not be sitting at this old 98 computer and if I was Shakespeare I would be dead.

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Setting: In the forbidden forest. Rodger looking at Cedric and Lavender who just entered 

Cedric: Will you just go away!

Lavender: Please Cedric-yedybear I love you.

Cedric: Umm… Number one, I do not love you. I hate your guts! Number two, I just want to find Hermione and Ron and Number three, don't ever call me Cedric bear or what ever that was.

Lavender: I don't get it! Why? Why do you hate me so?

Cedric: I do not nor can not love you.

Lavender: And even for that do I love you the more!

Cedric: I am sick when ever I look at you!

Lavender: And I am sick when I do not look at you!

Cedric: Lavender, it was one time. It was fun but its over. It was just a one-night stand. Get over it. Your more emotional then Cho.

Lavender: Grabs on to Cedric Don't leave me Cedric! I want you more then I can bear. She tries to pull him in to a hug. But he pulls way

Cedric: Leave me alone! He exits Lavender: Pulls out a cigarette and lights it with her wand I follow you even do my feet hurt in these stilettos. She exits

Rodger: Whos idea was that? Cedric and Lavender. Gross.

Director: Yours. You wrote the script.

Rodger: Ohh. Okay so back to my script. How sad is Lavender. I wish I could make her feel better. I know! I'll give her some of the love potion when Ginny gets back. Then they'll be in love forever like Cho and me. Which isn't the best example but…over here Ginny.

Ginny lands and holds out a love potion

Ginny: Here you go. Now have fun with your evil plan.

She tries to leave

Rodger: Ginny, get back here or you can forget that raise.

Ginny: Say what?

Rodger: If sabotaging my wife goes well then there will be a few gallons in your pockets.

Ginny: Well then lets make Cho hate you more.

Rodger: So all you have to do is go find an animal so nasty Hagrid would love it and make Cho fall in love with it.

Ginny: Got it nasty animal, Hagrid, Cho, love.

Rodger: And, one more thing…

Ginny: One more thing better mean 100 more gallons.

Rodger: There this poor sweet couple that is in need of the same help as my wife and me.

Ginny: They're cheating on each other?

Rodger: No…

Ginny: They're fighting over a house elf?

Rodger: No…

Ginny: They are playing immature tricks on each other?

Rodger: NO… They are blinded by there love and must storm through the forbidden forest looking for it.

Ginny: Question? How did we get to the forbidden forest and where was everyone before?

Rodger: Because the forbidden forest is the only forest mention in the book and it doesn't matter where they where before because now they're hear! So go on do my amazing doing.

Ginny: Yeah, what does the last 9 lines had to do with anything?

Rodger: This time I have a point. Go find the mortal dressed in ugly last year robes and give them a drop of that love potion so they can find they're love. Even if it a stupid unrealistic love.

Ginny: Your wish is my commanded! And by the way my gringotts account number is 676. Just so you know.

She exits

Rodger: Now my plan will go in to act.

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AN: So it was short but it had to be done. In the next chapter we get in to the couple switiching drama. Can't wait.


	5. Act II: When Cho awakes

AN: So I'm writing this at school. Shhhh. I was very busy and lazy so I could not update till now. Granted this class will be over in 30 minutes so this chapter will be very short of well. Oh by the way I have been spelling Roger wrong sorry!

Disclaimer: You caught me. I'm not JK Rowling or Shakespeare. But if I was JK Rowling I wouldn't be using my schools computer and swishing windows from Microsoft word and 10 Fun Government Review games. And if I was Shakespeare I would have my own museum!

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Act 2: Scene II 

**Setting: Well I really don't know. In the play it says another part of the woods so we'll go with that. Wait I change my mind we are now at Cho's house. She in her bedroom that is located on a balcony. **

**Cho is dress for bed. She calls her personal choir to play a song. **

Cho: Sing something so I can go to sleep.

Padma: dressed as a servant, sings: I found you Miss. New botty get it together and bring it back to me…

Cho: I said so I can go to sleep!

Padma: Be more specific!

Padma plus rest of course: You spotted snakes with double tongue,  
Thorny hedgehogs, be not seen;  
Newts and blind-worms, do no wrong,  
Come not near our fairy queen.  
Philomel, with melody  
Sing in our sweet lullaby;  
Lulla, lulla, lullaby, lulla, lulla, lullaby:  
Never harm, etc.

Padma: Good! She asleep lets go try on her clothes!

**They exit, as Roger appears tacking off his invisibility clock. **

Roger: Merlin she hot!

He leans over the bed and touch's his wife's hair

Roger: Why did I ever want to leave her? Well she wouldn't give me that elf and she won't let me have mistresses like the king of the pixies has… and she controlling… and she cries A LOT…and she would rather be with Harry Potter then me… and where is that flower…

**He puts a drop of the potion on Cho's eyes**

Roger: What thou seest when thou dost wake,  
Do it for thy true-love take,  
Love and languish for his sake:  
Be it ounce, or cat, or bear,  
Pard, or boar with bristled hair,  
In thy eye that shall appear  
When thou wakest, it is thy dear:  
Wake when some vile thing is near.

Director: Umm can we say that again? In English?

Roger: Picky, Picky, Picky…

When you wake up,

You will experience true love,

It will appear like love to him,

If he is a beast, or cat, or bear,

Pard, or boar with ugly hair,

You will see him and fall completely in love

For when you wake,

he will be your lover

But only wake when something terrible is near

Director: Great!

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AN So ill try to add the next part when I get home but my government teacher is starting to get suspicious. REVIEW or I'll send Puck/ Ginny. 


	6. Act II: From Hermione to Lavender

**An: I'm out of Government and ready to go. Sorry in advanced for all my spelling mistakes because I was in a rush actually I ALWAYS make spelling mistakes. Ohh well.**

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling. I'm not rich out of my mind and I don't own the Harry Potter Trade Mark. Well in my world I do but that another story… Nor I'm I Shakespeare. I'm not dead and I did not write hundreds of amazing plays and poems. But if I were either or I would tell you to Review!**

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**Setting: We'll say in the forbidden forest. Hermonie and Ron are wondering around, lost.**

Ron: Hermione, I think we are lost.

Hermione: We are going to your mom's house! How do you forget where your own family live?

Ron: Well I think we might have taken a wrong turn…or two hundred.

Hermione: Ronald! We are in the forbidden forest. Any one who had read all of the Harry Potter Novels know that you live nowhere near the forbidden forest!

Ron: Well it is the only forest mention.

Hermione: Can't we call the knight bus?

Ron: Hermione you're the one who want to marry me. Everyone knows I have no money what so ever.

Hermione: Then we have to stay hear.

**She sits down on a the ground and takes her jacket out as a blanket**

Ron: Okay baby but one spider and I'm gone.

**He lies down next to her they kiss and soon are making out. Ron tries to reach up her dress but she pulls away**

Hermione: Ron!

Ron: What? We are getting married right?

Hermione: But Ron we're outside it muddy! I'll mess up my dress.

Ron: Your worried about your dress?

Hermione: Yes and if there is anyone who would wait for marriage in the Harry Potter series it's me. I mean, it took 7 books for us to even admit we like each other and that not even for certain yet.

Ron: Oh Hermione, O, take the sense, sweet, of my innocence! I want to be with your Hermione! We can become one body and one soul! Tonight! Lets make love in the moonlight!

Hermione: Okay that sounds sick.

Ron: I do not lie to your Hermione. I love you and I promises once our bodies combined I will never leave you. For anyone. Not even Flur.

Hermione: Umm we have all ready established Flur thinks of you as a little brother and she married to your brother.

Ron: Script Hermione!

Hermione: Oh what sweet words you speak. Ron you are such a intelligent poetic person. I would like nothing more then to sleep with you but just wait till we are officially wed. But, gentle friend, for love and courtesy, Lie further off; in human modesty, We are now only engaged so tonight we will sleep separate but tomorrow night we can get it on.

Ron: That last line was complexly unlike your character.

Hermione: Script!

Ron: Good thinking. I will dream of you tonight and when I awake we see if we can find the Burrow.

**he kiss goodnight and Ron moves away. Soon both are fast asleep.**

**Enter Ginny, also lost**

Ginny: How big is this forest! I have been traveling for like 20 minutes and I haven't seen any humans at all. He could at least printed out a map quest or something! **She sees Ron and Hermione**

Ginny: Ron what are you doing here?

Ron: **under his breath as he pretends to sleep** waiting for you to give me the love potion.

Ginny: Ohhhh…Right. Well here we are. Two ugly mortals in last year robes. **She leans over Ron and blows in his ear to see if he's asleep.**

Dreaming I see. Well time to do my job. **she puts drop of the potion on Ron's eyes**

And by this time tomorrow I'll be buying new shoes and dancing to The Weird Sisters.

**She flies away dancing as she goes

* * *

**

**Enter Cedric and Lavender. Lavender is chasing Cedric as they run in**

Lavender: Can you slow down? I'm running out of breath.

Cedric: Why would I slow down it you're not catching up?

Lavender: Oh Cedric come on now. Why don't we just stop running around like owls and just go back to my place and…

Cedric: NO, we came to find Hermione!

Lavender: She's right there.

Cedric: Umm… Roger what should I say?

Roger: **Backstage **Just ignore her and go.

Cedric: Well since I'm a mindless pretty boy I'll just go.

**He leaves**

Lavender:**panting** I can't breath. We were running for like 2 chapters. I need a smoke. **She pulls out her pack of cigarettes and starts to smoke one.** Now he's running to go find her. God! If only I was so beautiful that guy will chase after me in the middle of the forbidden forest.

I'll catch up to him later. **As she smokes the ashes drop on top of Ron**

Lavender: Ohh him. I hopes he dead not just asleep. **She kicks Ron awake**Get up Wesley.

Ron: Oww! Sorry Professor Snape.

Lavender: Where's you man steeling girlfriend.

Ron: You already saw her idiot.

Lavender: Aren't you appose to be madly in love with me?

Ron: With you?

Lavender: The line is 'who are you talking about? I have no girlfriend but you'

Ron: Oh Lavender! What a beautiful creature you are!

Lavender: I said the line is…

Ron: How gorgeous you look in the moonlight! Where is Diggory? Oh forget him. I do not care as long as I'm with you.

Lavender: Close enough… don't say that Ron. Hermione might wake up and then I have to look at her. If you haven't forgotten a couple of minutes ago all you wanted to do was make love to her.

Ron: What? With that busy hair rabbit? Never in all my life? I will sooner die: I do not lie to your Lavender. I love you and I promises once our bodies combined I will never leave you. For anyone. Not even Flur.

Lavender: You need to get new material.

Ron: Well the point is now I hate Hermione and I love you.

Lavender: Well you aren't Cedric but… Hey! Is this a joke? Do you want me to make fun of me? I'm I so ugly and hopeless you think it funny to laugh at the fact I'm desperate out of my mind? Are you saying I'm fat! Ron… you little prat. What did I ever do to you? This is because of that ugly locket. Well I'm sorry you didn't like it but it cost 12 gallons! So if you can't apperite fake gold then buy your own!

**She leaves crying**

Ron: I love Lavender blahh blahh blahh. Goodbye Hermione. Please don't wake up. But when you forget me just like I forgot about you. And now to find Lavender and be her knight.

**He leaves**

Hermione: There is no way in the world I failed 1st year and have to go back. (She screams as she wakes up) Ron where are you? YOU didn't leave me in the forbidden forest all by my self.

**She looks around and gets up**

Okay you can come out now.

**A wolf howls**

Fine we can do it now.

Ron! Ron! Ron! Help!

**She runs of in panic.

* * *

**

**AN: Well as we end Act II we deal with all the unanswered question:**

**Will Hermione find Ron? Will Lavender find Cedric? What will Cho fall in love with? Will Roger pay Ginny when she finds out about her mistakes? Will Dean and company ever become useful? Will Ron ever fall out of love with Lavender? These and other question will be answer whenever my sister lets me get back on the computer. Till next time….Review!**


	7. Act III: But Where is Dean?

AN: I want to play the Sims 2 so this chapter will be super short. And for anyone who reads (fill in name here) and don't review I'm going to do I Harry Potter version of Much adu about Nothing so look out!

Disclaimer: You caught me. I'm not JK. Rowling or Shakespeare and if I was I would not be sitting at this old 98 computer and if I was Shakespeare I would be dead.

* * *

**Act III: But where is Dean?**

Setting: Some where in the forbidden forest

Dean: Yes I'm back hold your applause

Justin: Who are you talking to?

Dean: The chapter is called 'But where is Dean?' I'm just telling my fans I'm okay.

Neville: YOU have fans.

Dean: While I'm completely useless in the Harry Potter series so, I figured that in this fic I should have fans.

Neville: Oh

Dean: So any ways… this is where we will rehearse for our play.

Terry: In the middle of nowhere?

Dean: Well I'm sorry it not good enough for you. Our budgets in only a gallon and a half so this will have to do.

Neville: I for one think that this is a fine place to get ready for our play.

Dean: Thank you Neville.

Neville: But Dean…

Dean: yes…

Neville: I have be reading our play over and over to my grandmother and I have discovered a problem. This is appose to be a comedy! Why is there killing? Like that scene where I pull out my sword to kill myself. What if it scares the ladies?

Dean: That is the most…

Michael: stupidest thing I ever heard.

Terry: Why would the girls be scared? They know it's a play.

Dean: Neville I think you should stop this talking thing.

Neville: But…

Dean: Fine I'll hand out a prologue.

Justin: What a prologue going to do?

Neville: That's my line.

Seamus: What about me? Wouldn't the ladies be scared of a bear?

Terry: You're a lion.

Neville: Yeah Dean they might get scared of a lion. I know I would be scared if I saw Seamus wearing a gold yarn.

Dean: We are doing this play for Hermione Granger and Lavender Brown. I'm pretty sure that by now a lion is not the scariest thing they ever scene.

Neville: But what if they think it a really lion.

Dean: Didn't you hear that bit about our budget? We'll be lucky if the think Seamus is anything at all.

Neville (angrily): But my grams coming to see it and she might get scared!

Dean: Fine! I'll add another prologue.

Michael: Well if we are talking about problems with this play I would like to say how I'm not playing opposite Ginny or Cho who are not just my ex's but are both hotter then any of the other girls in this whole play.

Dean: Come on don't complain. I'm suck with you guys to.

Justin: But Neville gets to make out with Cho.

Neville (excitedly): I get to do what!

Dean: Well it doesn't really matter who makes out with her cuz in the end she ends up with Roger.

Justin: How do you know things like that?

Dean: I'm a muggle. Who else is supposeto know the most about a muggle play?

Neville: Come on hurry up so I get my first kiss!

Seamus: What about the moon?

Dean: What?

Seamus: Well Pyramus and Thisby meet by moonlight.

Dean: Who cares if there is no moonlight?

Neville: Cho might.

Dean: Good point. We'll crack a window.

Michael: What if there is no window.

Dean: Then you'll hole a lantern and pre-tend to be the moon.

Michael: Score! I don't have to play a girl anymore!

Justin: No fair!

Seamus: And the wall.

Dean: Why must you test our lack of props.

Neville: Okaywhen so we get to the kissing.

Dean: Fine. Terry you'll be the wall. Is that all? Is the complaining done?

Neville: Yes, Yes, Yes, He is covering Seamus's mouth

Dean: Good the lets start this rehearsal so I can home and go to sleep!

(They start to practice and Ginny enters and hides behind a bush)

* * *

A/N: Yes amazing. I have no smart comments. So All I can say is REVIEW OR DIE. 


	8. Act III: A is for Donkey

**An: **I know it been forever! But i prommis me self that I'll be finish by the end of this year. And i'll write longer chapter.

Discliamer: I'm not Jk of Shaekshere. Who are amazing and im sure don;t want to be me. **

* * *

**

**Act III: A is for Donkey**

**Setting: Still the forest. Ginny is creeping behind the group of 'actors'. Cho is sleeping in a tree a little whiles off.**

**Ginny:** What is this suppose to be? This is like the freak show of the millennium.

**Dean:** Whoa! I don't think you incline to make fun of us. You're playing a fairy.

**Ginny:** Yeah and your putting on a 4 page play about a lion and a wall with Neville Longbottom and other nameless unimportant charters.

**Ginny:** And if I were you I would quite down. Cho hates it when her beauty sleep is interrupted and you do not want to see her without her make-up on.

**Michael:** Hey Ginny what are you doing here?

**Ginny:** Umm… well…must not give away Roger's plan…I'm going to…um…take Neville for an…umm…make out session.

**She grabs Neville and runs of**

**Justin:** Man! Some guys get all the luck!

**Dean:** Okay umm so what do we do now?

**Seamus:** You're the director! What are we suppose to do?

**Dean:** someone read lines.

**Justin:** Oh my sweet lover where art thou

**Dean:** Can we try that with passion?

**Justin:** Oh my sweet lover where art thou.

**Dean:** Good. Now try it again and this time put some life into it.

**Michael:** You have no clue what to do huh?

**Dean:** Obliviously. I'm not prepared for all this on demand stuff.

**Justin: in falsetto**. Oh my sweet divine lover! Where ar' thou. Your lonely wholesome lover calls for thee.

**Michael:** Umm that was a little to good.

**Dean:** Told ya he was gay.

**Behind tree**

**Neville:** Hey Ginny what's up?

**Ginny:** Nothing just you know trying to say out of trouble.

**Neville:** Guess What! I get to have my first kiss with Cho Chang. Grams told me it would be a good idea to be in this play.

**Ginny:** yeah Neville about that… Hey look a tree thingy! **She points behind him…**

**Neville:** Where? **He looks around excitedly. Ginny mutters a spell and his head turns from chubby little Neville to hairy big donkey**.

**Ginny:** Never mind. Bye! **She runs away**

**Neville:** Ginny? Ginny? Where she go?

**Dean: Calls to Neville** Is she gone?

**Neville:** Yeah she just left. Where are we in the play?

**Dean:** Umm well

**Terry:** He has no clue.

**Dean:** Just come back Neville.

**Neville reenters clearing**

**Seamus:** I think you have something on your face.

**Neville:** **shrikes **Is it a bug! Get it off! **Starts to jump.**

**Dean:** I think I remember what we're supposes to do next.

**Justin:** What?

**Dean:** RUN!

**They run of stage.**

**Seamus:** Wait we forgot the food.

**He come back and gets the food.**

**Seamus:** Oh Neville you might want to cut your hair,

**He leaves.**

**Dean:** The script!

**He reenters and picks up the scrip**

**Dean:** Neville remember those four gallons I owe you. Forget about it! And when I made fun of your toad. My bad. Just don't eat us!

**Neville:** Eat you why would I do that!

**Dean:** Bless thee, Bottom! bless thee! thou art  
translated.

**He re-exits.**

**Neville:** I don't believe it. They left me hear all by me self. I mean everyone being strange today. First Ginny now they guys. I must have forgotten someone birthday.

**He sits and tries to remember**

**Neville:** Nope its not gram's or Trevor's. Who are my other friends?

**He tries to remember who his other friends are.**

**Neville:** Nope that's it. My amazing acting must have scared them of the stage.They must be playing another trick on me. Oh well I'm not going anywhere. I'll even sit here until they come back.

**Wolves make various noises.**

**Neville: scared.** Umm yep. Ill sit right hear.

**Wolves howl**

**Neville:** maybe I'll sing to pass the time

**Neville:**  
…She's a maneater  
make you buy cars  
make you cut cords  
make you fall, fall in love  
She's a Maneater, make you work hard  
Make you spend hard  
Make you want all, of her love  
She's a maneater  
make you buy cars  
make you cut cords  
Wish you never ever met her at all!...

**Cho wakes up.**

**Cho:** Oh my gosh this is my song.

**Starts to dance.**

**Director:** Umm

**Cho:** Oh yeah. What angle awakes me from my flowery bed?

**She looks down at Neville**

**Cho:** You got to be kidding me. Neville! Neville! Come on you have gotten. Percy, Woods, shoot I'll take Harry.

**Roger:** Will you just say your line!

**Neville is now break dancing**

**Neville:** …And when she walks she walks with passion  
when she talks, she talks like she can handle it  
when she asks for something boy she means it  
even if you never ever seen it…

**Cho:** EWWWW. Make him stop!

**Director and Roger:** Cho!

**Cho: groans**. Oh what a divine dancer. His voice is like honey to my ears. I have never seen such a more amazing animal. He's cute, a good singer and has a nice ass! No pun intended.

**She calls down**

**Cho:** I heard your amazing voice from my resting place and my heart burst with emotions for you. What is your name?

**Neville: Blushing cuz Cho's still wearing her silky reviling pajamas.** Neville

**Cho: makes a face.** Please sing some more.

**Neville:** everybody get your necks to crack around  
all you crazy people come on jump around  
you doing anything to keep her by your side  
because, she said she love you, love you long time…

**Cho:** Maneater, make you work hard  
Make you spend hard  
Make you want all, of her love  
**Cho and Neville: **She's a maneater  
make you buy cars  
make you cut cords  
make you fall, fall in love

**Cho:** We should start a band.

**Roger:** No you shouldn't

**Cho:** Even do I have only known you for 2 minutes I feel like I know you all my life. I think…I think…I love you.

**Neville: excitedly** Really?

**Cho:** Of course not but according to the script I do so play along.

**Neville: **I think you have little reason for that. Considering I went to school with you for 6 years and you never notice me. And yet, to say the truth, reason and  
love keep little company together now-a-days;

**Cho:** I know. Like Bill and Flur I see no reason why that's going on. I always knew you were smart.

**Neville:** me smart? Wait till Snape hears that one.

**Cho:** Parkins, Patil, and Patil!

**Pansy, Padama and Parvati all enter**

**Pansy:** This better be good.

**Padama:** I was getting my beauty sleep.

**Parvati:** Don't we work hard enough all ready?

**Cho:** Bring this wise, noble, handsome creature…

**Padama:** Your kidding me.

**Cho:** I know I already expressed my ideas about this paring.

**Parvati:** But he's Neville!

**Cho:** again I already…

**Pansy:** Your just getting worst ant worst. First Potter then Conner now Longbottom.

**Cho:** Will you just bring him some freaking food!

**All three:** Sure whatever.

**Cho:** And treat him like you do the King.

**Pansy:** We should throw fruit at him?

**Parvati:** We should set fire to all his clothes?

**Padama:** We should get in bed with him and let him call us naughty names?

**Cho**: No, No, No just be nice to him.

**All three:** Sure whatever.

**Neville:** Something about Pansy serving my warm drinks sounds dangerous.

**Pansy:** Don't worry. She slips a tiny bag of poison in to her pocket.

**Neville:** think I should go. It was great getting to meet all of you. See you around.

**He starts of.**

**Cho:** Hold up. Nobody turns down my hospitality.

**Pansy tackles Neville and ties him to a tree**

**Cho:** You will stay here with me. Until someone cutter and with less hair comes along. And if you don't stay here with me…I'll cry.

**Neville:** Don't do that.

**Cho:** Good! Its settle then. You'll stay here with me…

**To Padama**

Bring him to my bedroom. I think I have found a way to get even with my husband.

* * *

An://: I know it been foever. But review. And shout out to Nelly Fratuda for the lyrics to maneater. but again review. 


	9. Act III: Opps Ginny Messed up Big time

An: So here it is I promise I'll finish this act tonight. so here part one**

* * *

**

**Act 3: Scene 2: Opp's Ginny messed up big time!!!**

**Setting: In the forest still. Roger is sitting on a stump brushing his hair and talking to him self…**

**Roger:** I'm so beautiful. Look at my bone structure. Cho is so missing out. I wonder if she's awake yet. I wish I could see the look on her face…she wakes up and she in love with a mixture of Snape and Myrtle. I'm such a genius: I wrote the play… I tricked my wife and I have great hair. And here comes the gal that made it all happen.

**In comes Ginny grinning**

**Ginny:** I am going to buy 30 new pairs of shoes, a new broom, and a whole new set of dress robes. Hey Roger what do you think matches my eyes better lilac of turquoise?

**Roger:** So the deeds done.

**Ginny:** Yes, right now your wife is in love with Neville…

**Roger:** Neville! What are you crazy? A loser like that touching my wife….

**Ginny:** Umm he has a donkey head. He was rehearsing some crap play and I snuck up behind him, I changed him, they ran, Cho saw she feel in love, I left., you pay.

**Roger:** You are amazing.. **he kisses he hand** ...You so deserve that pay raise.

**Ginny:** **Pulls her hand out and rubs it off** Well I try.

**Roger:** and Lavender…

**Ginny:** Yep, just like you said in last year's robes. I dropped the love potion on the guy's eyes and now he's in love.

**Roger**: Great. the money will be in your account by Monday….

**Enter Hermione and Cedric**

**Roger**: Here he comes now…

**Ginny:** No that's the girl and that some strange guy.

**Roger stares at her in disbelief.**

**Cedric:** My love…. I'm so happy I found you. We've…well I been looking all over the forest for you. And…

**Hermione:** I don't care! Have you seen Ron? He just disappeared. Unless…

You killed him. I knew it! You evil little twitch. I always thought you were to week to do it but you….

**Cedric:** I didn't kill Ron! I'm not even smart enough to chew gum and walk at the same time.

**Hermione:** So you had an accomplish…Lavender! I knew it. Someone told me not to trust to dumb blonds but I had to go and believe in there being good in people.

**Cedric:** I didn't kill him…

**Hermione:** Then where is he! Show me where he is…

**Cedric:** I wouldn't even show his bloody caucuses to you….

**Hermione:** So you did kill him… you dog! You evil brainless dog. You probably killed him while he was sleeping you cowered. I'm so happy you died in the forth book. I hate you… if I'm lucky that house elf thing is still open.

**Cedric:** You must be PMS-ing. I told you I didn't kill him. Granted I don't like him that much but I really don't have the brains to kill anyone.

**Hermione:** Then tell me where he is…

**Cedric:** What will you give me if I do…

**Hermione:** A kick in the crouch

**Cedric:** How about a kiss on an alter.

**Hermione:** More like a kiss on my deathbed.

**Hermione grunts and leaves**

**Cedric**: She wants me. **He yawns**

Man it is late I better turn in

**He lays done to sleep**

**Roger:** You idiot…. That not her. I said Lavender…

**Ginny:** Actually you said some girl. And quite honestly I think you should give better directions.

**Roger:** YOU RUINED EVERYTING. NOW THAT MADIAN'S LOVE LIFE IS SCREWED. AND LAVENDER STILL DOESN'T HAVE HER MAN.

**Ginny:** Can't we just forgive and forget. It could have happen to anyone.

**Roger:** WELL YOU CAN FORGET THAT PAY RAISE.

**Ginny:** Whoa. Let's be rational here. So I messed up can't we fix it.

**Roger:** Your damn right. You're fixing it right now. Go find her right now.

**Ginny:** Who?

**Roger:** Lavender!

**Ginny:** Right…

**She exits**

**Roger:** Never trust a woman. Why didn't I just listen to my dad? You got to do everything yourself around here.

**He puts love potion on Cedric's eyes.**

**Roger:** She is getting a raise all right. 5 whole gallons. With my luck Cho is now in love with some handsome version of Neville.

**Ginny enters**

**Ginny:** There's no such thing.

**Roger:** Did you get her?

**Ginny:** Yep and the guy I mistaken for her lover. He's begging her for a lover fees.

**Roger:** A lover's what?

**Ginny:** A kiss. Tard.

**Roger:** quick come under my invisibility cloak

**Ginny:** Nice try but I'm not that easy.

**Roger:** Just come on….

**Ginny and Roger disappear under said cloak**

**Enter Lavender and Ron**

**Ron:** Just a peak for old time sakes

**Lavender:** You left me for Hermione and if I were you then I would go find her

**Ron:** I don't love Hermione and I love…

**Lavender:** Me. So I heard. And this joke has gone on long enough Ron. You had your laugh. Now just lets go find….

**Cedric:** **awakes and looks at Lavender** My Love

**Lavender:** Me?

**Cedric:** Of courses you. Where have you been? I have been dreaming of you all night. I dreamed that we made love on the back of a Hipergrift.

**Lavender:** Are you serious?

**Cedric:** Yes! Oh Lavender, goddess, nymph, perfect, divine!  
To what, my love, shall I compare thine eyne?  
Crystal is muddy. O, how ripe in show  
Thy lips, those kissing cherries, tempting grow!

**Lavender:** Why Cedric…wait a minute. You're just playing with my emotions again. You're in on the joke to. To think you guys can't agree on anything but you join teams to make fun of me? I thought you had more dignity then that. I follow you in to a forest and all you can do is play heartless joke on me. O spite! O hell! I see you all are bent

**Cedric:** If anyone's bent it's Ron. He is making fun of you. And if I recalled you broke up with him. But I…why we had that night. The best night of my sad lonely life. This faker loves Hermione and nothing more…Helena

**Lavender:** It's Lavender

**Cedric:** That's what I said. We belong together.

**Ron:** What are you talking about? If you put Cedric D and Lavender B in to nothing will come up. But if you put in me….

**Cedric:** Whatever, has all sorts of crazy couples. Like Snape and Ginny.

**Ron:** Leave my sister out of this.

**Cedric:** Don't you have somewhere to be tonight? I heard they're having a fifth hand clothes stores sales.

**Ron:** Aren't you missing the Dumb Good Looking Git meting

**Cedric**: That's tonight?

**Ron:** Come on Lavender lets leave this metro sexual to him self.

**Cedric:** So what if I get my nails done. I just have bad nail beds. You could use a mani-pedi yourself Ron.

**Ron:** You think so?

**Lavender:** Enough! I'm going home and none of you better not follow me…

**Enter Hermione

* * *

**

An://: So What going to happen next...I don't know when i'm going to bed tonight but I'm finisheing this sequence tonight. So say tunned. and Review...


	10. Act III: Girl Fight

**An: now this is finally the end of Act 3 i'm so tired

* * *

**

Act 3: scene 2 cont.: There's about to be a Girl Fight

**Hermione:** Ron!!! You're alive.

**She flings her self on Ron. Who looks at her with hatred**

**Ron:** Get off me you stupid girl…

**Hermione:** Excuse me…

**Ron:** You heard me. Get of you stupid girl….

**Hermione:** But Ron….

**Ron:** I said get. And give me back that engagement ring. I need pawn it so I can get Lavender something nice.

**Hermione:** Lavender? What does that no boob having, hopeless slut have to do with anything?

**Lavender:** I don't believe it. From guys okay. But you Hermione you join in there foul play…. I thought you would be above that. And we're friends at school.

**Hermione:** What we were never friends. You and Pravati use to tease me and hide my bras. And you tripped me in the hallways and made fun of my hair…

**Lavender:** Good Times.

**Hermione:** You were awful to me and now you stole my boyfriend again.

**Lavender:** If I recall I had him _first._

**Ron:** So you completely pick me right!

**Lavender:** Ewww

**Hermione:** Come on Ron….

**Ron:** I'm not going any where without Lavender.

**Lavender:** Then you can go to hell….

**Ron:** Say with me gentle Lavender. We can get marry at my mum house and Pigwig can be the flower owl

**Lavender: sarcastic** Oh Excellent

**Hermione:** What! That's what we were going to do for our weeding.

**Cedric:** You all are completely tacky.

**Hermione:** Ron I love…

**Lavender:** Save it he loves me now

**Hermione:** You were always so jealous of me. I had the brains, I had Ron…

**Lavender:** Had…

**Cedric:** Okay, okay why aren't we talking about me? Lav let's go…

**Ron:** Whoa. Golden Boy she's coming home with me…

**Cedric:** You don't even have a house.

**Ron:** I have a box. And if we're happy what does that matter?

**Cedric:** Well she can be happy in a 5-story mansion with 100 house elves

**Ron:** I'll fight you for her.

**Cedric:** Please she not worth getting dirt on my face.

**Hermione:** Ron you can't fight over her. Your only allowed to fight over me…

**Ron:** That's Won Won to you.

**Hermione:** Your joking…

**Lavender:** Everybody's a comedian tonight. So I laughed. You laughed we all can stop now.

**Cedric:** So thought about it…we can fight but no face shoots.

**Ron:** Lavender, I can dispose if this fur ball. What do you want me to do? Just please don't say kill her. I can't go to jail.

**Hermione:** you wouldn't lay a hand on me. You have already broken my heart isn't that enough? But, Ron if I leave I'm not coming back.

**Ron:** Bye!

**Hermione: turns of Lavender.**

You whore! You their of love. You home wrecker.

**Lavender:** He doesn't have a home!!!!

**Hermione:** You have him under a spell I know it. You desperate little man stealing b-

**Lavender:** Oh look at little miss head girl. I thought you were the good one. All the teachers loved you but now your true character comes out. You puppet, you!

**Hermione:** Puppet?

**Ron:** Puppet?

**Cedric:** Puppet?

**Ginny:** Puppet?

**Roger:** Puppet?

**Lavender:** Yeah puppet.

**Hermione:** If anyone fake it's you. Chasing after a boy who can't even remember your first name….

**Cedric:** That's not true I remember Lizzie name fine.

**Hermione:** What am I? I house elf? Why should I accept insult from a girl who got a T in Charms? I was never bellow you in class and I'm not below you now. How low am I, thou painted maypole? Speak; How low am I? I am not yet so low But that my nails can reach unto thine eyes.

**She reaches up and scratches lavender in the face**

**Lavender:** Oh she hurted me. Gentlemen! Save me! I'm not as strong as her and I have no experience in muggle fighting. Which makes me more of a woman then her. So please protect me from that crazy nappy hair hellion

**Hermione:** Hellion.

**She pushes Lavender against a tree**

**Lavender:** Help! She's killing me. I was nothing but sweet to her-if you don't count stealing her boyfriend.

**Hermione:** Didn't we just talk about how you use to pull my hair and make fun of my teeth?

**Lavender:** That barely counts.

**Hermione:** Well it does

**Lavender:** Okay this was fun but its time for us to leave

**Hermione:** With Ron

**Lavender:** God no, with Cedric lets see if he's still wants me after I get him drunk again

**Ron:** Don't be afraid Lav. I'll save her.

**Cedric:** Whoa I'm most defiantly Prince Charming here. You can stand aside as I save her from the crazy psycho chick.

**Hermione:** Thanks

**Lavender: Runs to hides behind Ron and Cedric**

O, when she's angry, she is keen and shrewd!  
She was a vixen when she went to school;  
and though she be but little, she is fierce.

**Hermione:** 'Little' again! nothing but 'low' and 'little'!  
Why will you suffer her to flout me thus?  
Let me come to her.

**She tries to get to Lavender but her knights stop her**

**Ron:** Get away you acorn

**Hermione:** Acorn?

**Cedric:** Acorn?

**Lavender:** Acorn?

**Ginny:** Acorn?

**Roger:** Acorn?

**Hermione:** God I been called everything.

**Cedric:** Get away. Thank Merlin your going to died cuz I'm not going to marry you. But I'll be sure to send you dad an invite to me and Lavender's wedding

**Ron:** Whoa! You mean me and Lavender wedding.

**Cedric:** Do I have to remind you about the house problem you have.

**Both forgetting there suppose to be guarding Lavender**

**Ron:** How about that fight

**Cedric:** Man…you didn't forget. I mean lets take this outside

**Ron:** We are outside

**Cedric:** Well then lets take it behind that tree

**They both leave**

**Hermione:** Now that we're finally alone

**She punches Lavender**

**Lavender**: Ohh

Your hands than mine are quicker for a fray,  
My legs are longer though, to run away.

**She leaves running**

**Hermione:** You can run but I'll find you

**She leaves**

**Roger takes of the clook**

**Ginny:** So I'm guessing that raises is forgotten?

**Roger:.** Raise. YOU BE LUCKEY IF I DON'T KILL YOU RIGHT NOW….EVERYTHING IS COMPLETELY RUIN AND YOU WORRIED ABOUT YOU RAISE

**Ginny:** I figured you would say that.

**Roger:** shacking his head. This is what you have to do. Find Ron and Cedric put them both sleep. Put the love potion antidote on his eyes and leave Cedric ALONE. Then find the girls and put them in such a way that when Ron awakes he will see Hermione and only Hermione. Is that to complicated for you?

**Ginny:** So put Ron with Lavender and Cedric with the antidote near Cho…

**Roger:** WHAT…

**Ginny:** I'm kidding. You're so uptight.

**Roger:** If you screw up…

**Ginny:** I won't

**Roger leaves**

**Ginny:** goodbye hopes of having new shoes

**Enters Cedric**

**Cedric:** Did I lose him?

**Ginny: in Ron's voice**

I'm here you coward are you ready to fight?

**Cedric: groans** Sure

**Ginny:** Then follow me….

**Cedric follows the voice away and Ron enters**

**Ron:** Oh Cedric are you done getting the last looks at your face before I pulverized it

**Ginny: in Cedric's voice** I'm ready for you but come follow me

**She and Ron leave Cedric re-enters**

**Cedric:** finally I lost him. My face is safe. **He yawns.** I never did get that nap

**He lays done and sleeps**

**Re-enter Ron and Ginny**

**Ginny:** you can't catch me nanana boo boo

**Ron:** That sounds like something my sister would say.

**Ginny:** No its not

**Ron:** Where are you? I can't see a thing.

**Ginny:** I'm behind that bush

**Ron:** Which on there's like a thousand

**Ginny:** Catch me if you can

**Ron starts to point his wand at bushes but starts to get tired**

**Ron:** Tell you what…we'll finish this in the morning….

**He falls and sleeps as Lavender enters**

**Lavender:** I knew I should have just married Neville when I got the chance granted he's not cute or smart but you can't have it all.

**Ginny:** go to sleep

**Lavender:** What? Go to sleep I just had the worse day of my life. I just can't go to….

**She lays done sleeping**

**Ginny:** Three down Hermione to go…

**Enter Hermione**

**Hermione:** So I guess now I'll have to go live with the house elves. Oh well I can work on getting them all free

**She lays down and sleeps**

**Ginny:** On the ground  
Sleep sound:  
I'll apply  
to your eye,  
Gentle lover, remedy.

**She squeezes the antidote to love potions on Ron's eyes**

**Ginny:** When you wake you will love Hermione again. Cuz god knows how long we waited for that to happen. Jack shall have Jill;  
Nought shall go ill;  
the man shall have his mare again, and all shall be well.

**She exits**

* * *

A/N: So its done so REview


	11. Act IV: Three's A Crowd

AN: So I waited, and waited and waited and know one reviewed…boo hoo…don't you hate when you get hits but no reviews? Story of my life. Well anyways I just repented and decided to write the next chapter. So it's been over a year but hear we go now.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter of This great play. I do own a computer and an iPod but after that nothing.

* * *

**Setting:** We're back at Cho's house thingy or balcony or where ever she is I don't remember. Both her and Neville are naked form….maybe not love making but something of the sort.

**Cho:** Neville I have to hand it to you. You're not as gross as I thought. Granted your still weird and have oversized ears but for someone who's best friend is a toad your not completely destining.

**Neville:** Umm Thanks?

**Cho:** And now… **she storks Neville's donkey ear** Hold me close why the moon fades away.

**Neville (uninterested):** Yeah sure…Padama

**Padama:** What?

**Neville:** Can you at least try to sound useful

**Padama (unchanged):** What?

**Neville:** Scratch my head

**Cho (hurt):** You don't' want me to scratch your head?

**Neville (looking at Cho):** Why of course not dearest. Your too good for that. You can starch my back.

**Cho begins to scratch Neville's back why Padama pokes at his head.**

**Neville:** Parvati

**Parvati:** What now…we haven't slept at all tonight.

**Neville:** Blah Blah change your attitude missy or ill get my girlfriend to fire you. Oh yeah I actually have a girlfriend.

**Parvati:** Fine you want me to scratch your feet or something?

**Neville:** When you get back. First get me honey. Fresh from a bee's nest. That store brought crap sticks to my teeth.

**Parvati:** And what Am I suppose to do about the bees?

**Neville:** You're a witch figure something out.

**Parvati leads thinking of the quickest way to frame a death**

**Neville:** And Pansy…

**Pansy steps forward locking over joy.**

**Pansy:** You want me to get you some food too?

**Neville (scared):** No I was just thinking maybe you can get started on the feet.

**Pansy starts scratching. digging her long talon like nails in to Neville's foot**

**Neville:** On second taught you work so hard. Go on vacation. Bye bye now.

**Pansy stops scratching but remain in the corner thinking of ways to frame a death**

**Cho:** now tell me my love would you like to hear some music?

**Neville:** Well I…..

**Cho:** Or what do you desire to drink…..

**Neville:** Maybe some….

**Cho:** Or what color do you think we should paint the kids room?

**Neville:** Hey! Hold it. What kids? We only did…you know once…and you're talking kids?

**Cho:** Why of course. I want about ten. We can call them Longbottom junior and…..

**Neville:** Wait ten? What do I look like a Wesley?

**Cho (laughing):** oh my silly naïve lover. Do you think gourgeous girls like me have sex with ugly guys like you just for kicks. I own you now. By the time we have our fourth I will control ever move you make.

**Neville:** What? I think its time for me to go.

**Cho:** Stop! What about your honey?

**Neville debates what more important honey or his freedom**

**Neville:** Your right. ill stay. I think I might need some hay to go along with that honey, good hay, sweet hay none of that stuff that been left in the horse stable all day.

**Cho:** Pansy will fetch it for you at once.

**Pansy smiles and pulls out her potion bottle**

**Neville:** Wait jk. I think I'm tired. **Fakes yawn.** Yep can't stay up for poison hay. Goodnight. **He closes his eyes and lies down.**

**Cho**: Well you heard him. Get out. He's tired.

**Cho (as she lies down next to Neville):** Oh how I love thee! How I dote on thee!

**Padama and Pansy leave. Rodger and Ginny enter unseen by Cho and Neville. Roger watches Cho fall asleep in Neville's hairy arms. He is beyond disguised**.

**Rodger:** Eww I am beyond disguised.

**Ginny:** We know.

**Rodger: **He's so…and she so...that is some high quality potion because the face that she would touch him let alone sleep with him is beyond me. I got to stop this. She way too hot to be wasted on by Neville

**He climes in to bed with Cho and Neville (that sounds so wrong)**

**Rodger:** Ginny listen carefully. Go get that house elf and take it to my unicorn fleet. And then make sure you see to those losers from before. So that they may go back home with no memory of your accident but only that they loved each other all the more.

**Ginny: **How long are you going to hold that over me? I'm allowed to be wrong aren't I?

**Rodger:** Go!

**Ginny leaves. Rodger puts the antidote on Cho's eye.**

**Rodger:** But first I will release my queen. For she deserve so much better then he. See as thou wasn't wont to see. And now Cho awake my sweet queen!

**Cho (instantly awakes, and after a moment of confusion smiles at Rodger): **Oh Rodger! What visions have I seen! Methought I was enamour'r of an ass.

**Rodger:** There lies you love. **Points to sleeping Neville**

**Cho screams and jump away from him and in to Rodger's ready arms**.

**Cho:** You have got to be kidding me. Neville! Was the whole male race busy? How in the world did this happen?

**Rodger (smiles):** Silence awhile.

**He kisses her**

**Cho:** Look I am not going to forget you cheated on me.

**Rodger:** You cheated on me too.

**Cho:** Yeah, with Neville. That barely counts.

**Rodger kisses her again**

**Rodger:** How about if you give me the house elf I stay faithful only to you?

**More kissing**

**Cho:** That doesn't sound fair.

**Even more kissing**

**Rodger:** Well all fair in lover's war

**Cho:** Umm that doesn't sound like the right play.

**Rodger:** Can you just shut up so we can have sex already?

**Cho shuts up and they kiss and more. Several minutes later Ginny returns to find a naked couple embracing and giggling. And Neville who has been pushed to the floor.**

**Ginny:** I'll just leave you two alone.

**Rodger**: Hey come back hear.

**They quickly cover them selves.**

**Ginny:** Yeah well I was just going to say I heard the morning lark and I fix my brother and them all up.

**Rodger:** Good. Let go see.

**Ginny:** More of the trust issue.

* * *

**Setting Rodger, Cho, and Ginny come to a clearing directly outside the forest. All are clothed. Hermione sleeping in Ron's arms and Lavender in Cedric.**

**Cho:** Lavender and Cedric? That seems pretty gross to me.

**Rodger:** Big down grade from you.

**Cho:** Ahh Rodger. **She hugs him**

**Ginny:** We don't really have a lot of time so can we kept the love fest to a minuime

**Rodger:** You're right. You did good Ginny. Sorry about that whole you're a stupid waste of air stuff.

**Ginny:** You never said that.

**Rodger:** Must have been thinking it.

**Ginny**: So does that mean…

**Rodger:** Yes, Yes you get the raise. Only if you get rid of Neville.

**Cho:** Wait you did all this?

**Rodger:** Umm if you mean played matchmaker then yes.If you mean made you fall in love with Neville then no.

**Cho:** Maybe it's just the fact I'm really tired and never want to see another donkey again but I'm not really mad. Come, my lord…

**Ginny:** My Lord? What kinda of spell did he use on you?

**Cho (ignores Ginny):** …and in our flight. Tell me how it came this night. That I sleeping here was found. With these mortals on the ground.

* * *


End file.
